“But if we could communicate with the mosquito, then we would learn that he floats through the air with the same self-importance, feeling itself the flying center of the world.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
As a clinical psychologist, one of my favorite topics has always been Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have studied it extensively, partly to understand its causes and manifestations, but more importantly, to learn how to effectively deal with narcissistic individuals, as I have encountered many throughout my life.
Definition, Characteristics, and Typical Behaviors
A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has an exaggerated sense of grandiosity. They consider their value or abilities to be much greater than they actually are and believe themselves to be superior to other human beings. They expect admiration and special treatment and generally have difficulty feeling empathy. However, beneath all this usually lies a very fragile and vulnerable ego.
We often associate narcissism with vanity, self-aggrandizing comments, patronizing or condescending attitudes, or behaviors that demonstrate a continuous desire for attention. These behaviors can certainly be irritating to others, but there is another narcissistic tendency that may not be as evident and that I consider very important to understand. I will dedicate the next part to explain it.
Impact on Others
People with NPD often verbally abuse those around them, making derogatory comments repeatedly to instill a sense of inadequacy and inferiority. They do this constantly, often in the form of subtle but continuous harassment.
This behavior serves the secret purpose of protecting the narcissist’s fragile ego. Continuous harassment causes the victim to become emotionally paralyzed, develop nervous problems, acquire insecurity, internalize a sense of inferiority, and experience disorders such as anxiety, depression, and distress. It can even cause physical weakening.
This minimizes the victim’s ability to challenge the narcissist, thus avoiding any threat to the narcissist’s vulnerable ego. This dynamic is especially intense if someone proves to be better or more successful at something than the narcissist. In such cases, the narcissist’s automatic reaction is to seek to destroy, at least morally and emotionally, the individual who threatens their supposed supremacy.
This behavior can have a very harmful and lasting impact on others. It can occur in any type of personal relationship with a narcissist, including work, friendships, and family relationships. For example, many narcissistic parents have ruined their children’s lives due to their toxic dynamics.
In summary, this harmful tendency in people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a covert way to try to reaffirm their supposed sense of superiority over others while avoiding exposure of any personal inadequacy.
How to Deal with a Narcissist
In clinical psychology, it is said that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is very difficult to treat, sometimes even impossible. This is because a narcissist is unlikely to accept that there is “something wrong with them,” that needs treatment and warrants change, or that they should receive psychotherapy. The notion of accepting that something is wrong with them contradicts the very essence of their belief in their superiority, which sometimes even reaches a sense of total perfection.
This difficulty is further compounded by the fact that many narcissists create a social bubble where they can feel secure in their grandiosity, surrounding themselves only with sycophants who never question their greatness but instead reaffirm it, constantly showing the admiration they need and providing the special treatment they believe they deserve.
People who live with a narcissist have no choice but to adapt to their dynamics and accept the narcissist’s negative tendencies, even if they are harmful. They learn never to disturb their sense of grandiosity, never to contradict or challenge them, and that if they do, they will be instantly punished, triggering the narcissist’s wrath.
The only way to effectively deal with a narcissist is by “playing along,” that is, accepting their tendencies and the harmful behavior they will undoubtedly exhibit. If someone is not prepared to do this, the healthiest option may be to limit or even completely cut off interaction with the narcissist.
Influence of Social Media
In recent years, there has been a worldwide increase in the incidence of narcissism. Dr. Jordan Peterson claims that we are experiencing an epidemic of narcissism, partly due to the lack of regulation of narcissism online.
Peterson points out that the online world is a “world of false celebrities,” where everyone is a celebrity in some sense, to a greater or lesser degree. They have followers, fans, and they can easily manage their personal image (using filters, for example) and project themselves online in a carefully controlled way. All this is aimed at constantly seeking attention.
This creates a highly competitive environment where many people try to be the ones who capture the most attention and have the most followers. This pressure can lead to negative effects such as depression and anxiety when the goal is not achieved.
On the other hand, many users do manage to gain massive attention online through social media. Sometimes this happens very quickly, and many of them, especially the younger ones, may not be prepared to deal with it.
Consider the example of a young woman who has amassed tens or hundreds of thousands of followers on her Instagram account. Each time she posts a photo or video, she instantly receives hundreds of “likes” and numerous comments. How could this kind of attention not go to her head? How could she not come to believe that she is “absolutely wonderful and unique”? It is an emotional situation that envelops and overwhelms reason.
What will become of this young woman’s mental health when the inevitable moment arrives, and the online attention she usually receives diminishes? Over time, she will lose her youth and physical beauty, which is the only reason she received such exaggerated attention in the first place. We could anticipate that she will develop depression, distress, low self-esteem, and other emotional problems that may be long-lasting and difficult to manage.
In essence, a situation that initially amplifies personal narcissistic tendencies, like a pleasant drug sedating judgment and taking over self-perception, but eventually turns into a chimera when it suddenly stops sharing its sweet rewards.
Dating Apps
Similarly, as I mentioned in another post, it happens with online dating apps, where the attention women receive is excessively high, regardless of the quality of their suitors. This unrealistically elevates their sense of self-worth and their narcissism.
They easily fall into the trap of deceiving themselves, believing that this will remain so indefinitely. Eventually, they crash into the harsh reality when, over time, they lose their youth and “looks,” facing a decrease in the quantity and quality of their suitors. Many will not accept this new reality, thinking that “there are no good men left in the world.”
By the way, this phenomenon is known in the Red Pill community as “The Wall.”
In Conclusion
Personally, I have always found narcissistic people to be very unpleasant. Despicable, in fact. How sad is their low capacity for self-awareness, and how pathetic is their tendency to try to compensate for their emotional deficiencies by belittling others.
It is important to be aware of the mechanisms that exist today through social media and others that promote narcissism and thus avoid falling into them ourselves. It is also crucial to identify narcissists and approach them with the necessary caution, especially in this era of a narcissism epidemic.
